The 6 Stages of Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol

Contrary to popular belief, changing the way we drink isn’t as simple as saying “just quit”—it’s a major lifestyle shift.

Like any big change, it happens in stages.

According to the Transtheoretical Model of Change, when we shift behaviors—like quitting or cutting down on alcohol—we move through predictable phases: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. Each stage brings its own challenges and requires a different focus to actually move forward.

But too often, we’re told to just “power through,” white-knuckle it, or rely on willpower alone.

That sets us up to focus on the wrong task at the wrong time—or skip essential steps altogether.

No wonder it can feel like swimming upstream.

Even after we stop drinking, we might still feel deprived, off-balance, or like we’re missing something.

Over the years, working with high-achieving, growth-minded folks ready to leave alcohol behind without sacrificing joy or identity, I saw the same six emotional stages emerge again and again—each one mirroring a moment in the Hero’s Journey.

At Sober Curiosity, we believe you’re not here because you’re weak or broken. You’re here because something in you is reaching for more—more freedom, more joy, and a deeper sense of meaning.

This is your alcohol-free hero’s journey.
And it begins by understanding where you are on the map.

Stage 1 – The Wanderer 

You’re still in the “normal”… but something’s off.

Maybe you brush it off—“I’m just tired” or “It’s not a big deal”—but something inside you has started to stir.

You’re not looking too closely yet… but you’re beginning to wonder if this is really it.

Stage 2 – The Seeker

You’re starting to wonder… is this really working?

You’re weighing the pros and cons, setting quiet rules, and feeling a nudge from within.

Something in you is starting to question the way you drink—but you’re not quite ready to leap. Yet.

Stage 3 – The Reformer

The desire is real. The commitment is forming.

You’re not just questioning anymore—you’re preparing for change.

You’re researching, imagining, and beginning to search for another way.

Stage 4 – The Warrior

You’ve started the break. Now comes the battle.

You’re taking real action. It’s hard. It’s messy. But it’s worth it.

You’re facing the cravings, the tests, and the turning points—and starting to break free from alcohol’s hold.

Stage 5 – The Architect

You’ve said goodbye to drinking. Now what?

This is where you begin building a life that actually fits—one where sobriety feels like inner alignment, not punishment.

If it still feels a little raw or empty, don’t worry. You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just still becoming.

Stage 6: The Alchemist

You’ve turned your sobriety into your superpower—just by being you.

Now, you move through life with clarity, joy, and grounded power.

You don’t need alcohol to feel free, fulfilled, or fun.
And by simply living your truth, you’re inspiring others more than you know.