Vol.49 Alcohol & the stand-in intimacy
During my college years in Beijing, I rented a little room off campus.
I remember returning to that dark apartment on cold winter nights when my housemates had gone home to visit family for the Spring Festival. I’d be surprised by how much colder the room felt without the body heat of another human being.
I’d usually turn on a soap opera on my computer and let the dialogue fill the silence while I poured myself a cup of Chinese vodka.
As the liquid burned down my throat, it felt almost like a warm hug. The loneliness softened at the edges, and I’d think, “Who needs people when you have liquor?”
But now, looking back, I realize alcohol had become a stand-in for intimacy.
Chemically, it floods our system with dopamine and endorphins — the same feel-good messengers your brain releases when you laugh with friends or feel loved.
For a moment, it tricks your mind into believing you’re safe and bonded.
But chemical comfort from ethanol molecules is not a replacement for real connection with other human beings.
When the effects wore off, I’d wake up in the same empty room, with nothing but the bottles stacked in the recycle bin. The loneliness waited right where I’d left it.
In this month’s deep dive, I break down the 4 ways alcohol helps us “ease” loneliness in the short run, and the 8 hidden interests it secretly collects from us over time.
More soon,
Jeanette
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Original: “A drink keeps me company when I feel lonely”
Rewrite: “Alcohol gives me false warmth — it mimics connection while keeping me closed off in my own world.”
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