Vol.51 The double standard: shame vs. compassion
Has this ever happened to you?
Maybe you’ve been doing well with your sobriety goal for weeks, then a hard day hits.
You reach for a drink, and 1 drink turns into 4. You black out in the evening and wake up with a pounding headache the next day.
How do you speak to yourself on a morning like this?
If you’re like most of the people I’ve worked with, the self-talk might sound something like this:
“Seriously? After all this time, you’re still doing this?”
“What’s wrong with me? I should be over this by now.”
“See, this is why I’ll never really change.”
Now imagine, instead of yourself, it was your dear friend calling you after a night of unintended drinking.
On the other side of the phone, her voice is filled with shame and regret, and she can’t stop beating herself up over the slip.
How would you respond?
Would you sigh and say, “Seriously? It happened again? What’s wrong with you? You should be over this by now. See, this is why you’ll always be an alcoholic!”
Would you really say something like that to a regretful friend?
I imagine not.
But strangely, many of us find it perfectly acceptable to speak to ourselves in this way.
I can’t tell you how many times my clients describe the harsh ways they speak to themselves — harsh enough to make me wince.
That’s why this month, we’re diving into the antidote to self-shame: Self-Compassion.
✨ Micro-Dose Takeaway: Your Member-Only Bonus
(This extra insight lives in the vault for SCS members only — simply log in to enjoy your exclusive content)
