Vol. 54 The 3-Step Guide to Self-Compassion

Question: What’s your habitual response when loneliness (or another unwanted feeling) hits?

Do you try to push it away?
Numb it with alcohol?
Or pile on by criticizing yourself for feeling the way you do?

Now that we’ve broken down the 3 elements of self-compassion, let’s look at how you can respond differently the next time a painful feeling, like loneliness, shows up.

#1. Mindfulness

Just noticing what is happening without piling on judgment.

For example:
“Okay… I’m feeling lonely right now.”

#2. Common Humanity

Remind yourself that loneliness is a universal and fundamental human experience. All humans feel it at some point in their lives — especially during the holiday season.

Gently remind yourself:

• “Lots of people feel lonely around the holidays.

• “This isn’t just a ‘me’ thing.”

• “This is part of being human.”
  
  

#3. Self-Kindness

Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you care about:

• “Of course you’re lonely — this season is a lot.”

• “It makes sense you want comfort.”

• “You don’t have to beat yourself up on top of feeling this way.”
  
  

Give it a try next time, and hit reply to let me know how it goes.

Jeanette

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Want to go one step further?

Ask yourself:

What is one small, compassionate thing I can do right now to bring a little more comfort to myself — something that isn’t self-indulgent or self-abandoning?

Some of my favorite self-comforting gestures include:

• Giving myself a hug (I know it can feel awkward at first, but it actually works)

• Making myself a comforting hot beverage

• Heating up some comfort food

• Watching my favorite comedy

• Texting or calling a dear friend or family member

• Taking a warm bath
  
  

Feel free to borrow mine.