What’s Fueling Your Social Anxiety?
Facing Social Anxiety Without Alcohol: The First Step Forward
Perception isn’t the same as reality, though it often feels that way. As real as our perceived flaws may seem, they are often either not true in others’ eyes, or true only to such a minor degree that it doesn’t matter to anyone else.
The first step to disarming these perceived flaws is to name them.
📝 Fill in the Blank Exercise
👉 “When ______________________ (the social situation that makes me feel anxious), it will become obvious that I am ______________________ (what my inner critic believes is wrong with me).”
The 4 Core Fears Behind Social Anxiety
The Anxiety: Fear that others will notice signs of nervousness—sweaty palms, shaky voice, or blushing.
The Appearance: Fear of looking flawed or unattractive—messy hair, unfashionable clothes, or not measuring up.
The Character: Fear something is wrong with who you are—too uptight, not cool enough, stupid, or defective.
The Social Skills: Fear of lacking ability—too awkward, saying the wrong thing, boring, or too quiet.
In short, all four come down to a perceived flaw and the fear that it will be revealed.
Examples
- “When I speak up in a meeting, it will become obvious that I am nervous and my voice shakes.” (Anxiety)
- “When I go to a party, it will become obvious that I am unattractive and have no sense of fashion.” (Appearance)
- “When I try to make small talk, it will become obvious that I’m boring and not interesting.” (Social Skills)
- “When I hang out with new people, it will become obvious that I’m an idiot.” (Character)
David. B, Former Student
We can learn to discover what it is that really does make us happy. Sober Curiosity is a road map to undo years of being conditioned to filling up a void with a substance and replacing it with things unique to each person that was meant to make their life fulfilling.
Jamie Lavender, LMFT
Jeanette’s work is grounded in research, including the most recent, cutting edge ideas about working with substance use and behavior change.
HEY, I'M Jeanette!
Once a decade-long daily drinker, turned psychotherapist, then a Sobriety Coach…
I helps growth-minded folks break free from alcohol’s grip and go from white-knuckling it, feeling deprived, and missing the buzz to feeling free, confident, energized, and genuinely good about saying “No” to a drink.
Before finding my calling in the sober curious space, I once owned a tattoo shop in Beijing. These days, you’ll find me sipping tea with a good book in hand — and zero interest in hangovers.
