Toward the end of my drinking career, I found myself heading straight to the bar the moment I arrived at a party—barely even saying hi to my friends.
Sometimes, I’d even have a drink or two before leaving home, just to “loosen up” ahead of time.
When I first discovered alcohol’s “anxiety reliever” property, I thought I had found a magic solution.
Only years later did I realize the “help” had become more like a crutch I couldn’t let go of.
Can you relate?
In my last email, I shared that alcohol keeps the anxiety cycle alive and even intensifies it over time by acting as a form of avoidance.
Avoidance, put simply, means dodging what makes you anxious in an effort to get some relief. It works in the short run—you do feel better right away.
But here’s the catch: while avoidance makes anxiety fade temporarily, over time it actually intensifies it.
Because only when we approach what scares us and discover it’s safe can our anxiety decrease. Avoidance, on the other hand, denies us that opportunity and sends the unfortunate message that what we fear is indeed too dangerous for us to handle.
In CBT, avoidance behaviors are often called “anxiety fuel.”
Here are two charts that show how anxiety progresses over time with the avoidance vs. the approach strategy.
Using alcohol to cope with anxiety is essentially a form of avoidance.
No wonder so many regular drinkers find themselves becoming more and more anxious over time as they grow increasingly reliant on alcohol.
The good news is that overcoming social anxiety without turning to alcohol is possible—and that’s exactly what we’ll cover in our skill lessons this month.
More soon,
Jeanette
