Here is one mistake that often holds people back when they try to change their relationship with alcohol: only seeing their drinking as a problem to be solved.

It makes sense: by the time alcohol starts to draw attention in our lives, it’s often because of the problems it has caused.

• Maybe it’s the gray-out at a friend’s birthday party.

• Perhaps it’s the words that we regret or the things that embarrassed us the morning after.

• Or the concerns about our health years down the line if we continue to drink the way we do.

Naturally, we look at the source that has caused these concerns and decide that it is the problem to be solved. In this case, all the concerns point to alcohol.

But we often miss an important part:

Long before alcohol became a problem, it was often first a solution to another problem.

The truth is:

• You don't drink at a friend's birthday party hoping to wake up with only fragments of the night; you drink to feel more social, connected, or less anxious.

• You don't pour yourself a drink after work hoping to say something you'll regret; you drink to switch off your working brain and finally relax.

• You don't reach for wine on a Sunday afternoon hoping to damage your liver years from now; you drink to escape stress, boredom, or emptiness for a little while.

You see, the real reasons that we struggle to fully let alcohol go are often not about alcohol itself, but about what alcohol has come to represent in our lives, and what we are afraid we’d lose if we give it up.

• Maybe it’s the permission to finally slow down and rest after a long day.

• Perhaps it’s the confidence, connection, and sense of belonging it seems to provide at a party.

• Or the momentary sense of aliveness, excitement, or relief it brings to an otherwise dull Sunday afternoon.

The problem is that most of these needs remain unnamed.

We believe we need a drink. But what we really need is what the drink is helping us feel, avoid, create, or experience.

I call these Unnamed Needs.

They’re the first invisible force that keeps pulling us back to the same drinking cycle.

I'm curious:

What is one thing alcohol does for you?

Jeanette

P.S. In my most recent reel, I shared how Unnamed Needs have played out in my own drinking pattern. You can watch it below: