This email is a bit more personal.
Earlier this year, I moved to China with my husband, and it was one of the best decisions we have made in our lives.
All of a sudden, I was able to have all these things that I had dreamed of but couldn't quite afford in the US:
...A small home office filled with plants.
...Fresh-cut flowers on the table every day.
...A puzzle table designated solely for jigsaw puzzles.
...Free time to read, to play, to take long walks.
...And the luxury of only doing work I love and am passionate about, without always having to worry about profit.
These are all things I had dreamed about for years. Things I was certain that, if I could have them, I'd become the happiest person in the world.
And I was thrilled at first.
But now, eight months into this new life, somehow, I am unhappy again.
There is always something I could worry about. Something outside of my reach. Something better, bigger, or fancier that I could want.
Somehow, I managed to create a life my younger self would die to have, and I still manage to be unhappy.
That's when a realization slowly dawned on me:
Maybe happiness isn't something that happens when we finally have everything we want.
Maybe it's something we choose to cultivate, regardless of what we have.
So today, I decided to make two lists:
A joy list and a depletion list:
And I made a little commitment to myself:
For the next 30 days, I will make intentional choices throughout the day to choose joy over depletion.
...Choose to put down the phone and pick up a book.
...Choose to stop rushing and be present for the moment I'm actually living.
...Choose to spend less time pursuing the next desire and more time savoring what I already have.
...Choose to pause the worry and have faith.
Because perhaps a joyful life isn't something we just suddenly arrive at one day.
It's a journey we travel through hundreds of tiny decisions where we choose to move toward joy over depletion.
In my work, I call these moments choice points.
And they're one of the things I'll be teaching in Sober Curiosity Lab 2.0.
Because the key to creating a life beyond alcohol often isn't making a one-time, lifelong vow to never drink again.
But learning to recognize these small choice points throughout your day, where you get to choose:
Do I move toward alcohol?
Or
do I move toward the life I want to build and the person I want to become?
I know it has been true for sobriety.
And I'm starting to realize, maybe it's true of happiness, too.
If you were to make your own depletion list, what would be on it?
Jeanette
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