For years, I uttered the same line to myself with a tone that resembled self-hatred every time I faced another negative consequence from my drinking: "You did this to yourself."
Whether it was missing work after a night of heavy drinking, an ultimatum from a loved one, or a bad fight with my boyfriend after the second bottle of wine, the same line would echo in my head as I sat with the consequences.
Is Alcoholism a Disease or a Bad Choice?
The struggle with alcohol was once seen as a bad choice and is now often viewed as a disease, but both narratives oversimplify the story behind a person's struggle and offer an incomplete map toward healing. True healing and lasting change begin by understanding how factors that are outside of our control may have shaped our relationship with alcohol—and then recognizing what is still within our power to change.
So when I walked out of Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital with a diagnosis of Alcohol Use Disorder in my hand, for a moment, I felt relieved. Finally, there was an explanation for my behavior—it was not all my fault.
But the relief only lasted a moment before another feeling crept in: powerlessness.
When it was all my fault, at least I could do something about it. But if it was not my fault, then did it also mean that there was nothing I could do about it?
For years, I felt as if I was forced to choose between two equally dreadful options: staying in self-blame or forfeiting my power.
Two Incomplete Stories About Addiction
We have been told different stories about addiction. Once upon a time, there was the story of blame. We believed that addiction was about weak character, moral failure, and ultimately, bad choices. Over time, our understanding evolved, and we began to call it a disease.
The new narrative offered a much more compassionate view of those who struggle; however, it also came with an unintended implication: it could undermine a person's sense of agency and dampen hope for healing beyond the diagnosis. Addiction became a condition that could be managed but not cured, and an identity that, while often adopted with the intention of reducing shame, unmistakably came to define the person who carried the diagnosis.
The old story assumed that a person had complete control over their choices, while the new story suggested that they had none at all. For a long time, like many people in my position, I felt that I had to choose between compassion and agency.
Until a deceptively simple formula offered me a third path.
A Third Path: Event + Response = Outcome
I encountered this formula while I was undergoing my training to become a therapist: Event + Response = Outcome.
The formula states that the life we live today is the outcome of what happens in our lives (events) plus how we respond to those events (responses). It points out that while we can't change the events, we have the power to change our responses and, therefore, the outcome.
At first glance, this almost seemed like a reiteration of the old "You did this to yourself" narrative. But my therapist training allowed me to see something that was left unspoken in the formula: before our responses began shaping our lives, they were first shaped by our life experiences.
None of us are born with healthy and effective ways to respond to the pain and difficulties that are inherent in life. We learn them through loving, well-adjusted adults who model them for us. And when those figures are unavailable or absent during our years of development, we adapt whatever responses are available to help us cope. For me, one of those responses was drinking.
When we fully grasp that our responses are first shaped by our experiences and our environment, it becomes possible to shift away from blaming ourselves for everything that has happened in our lives.
But here's the equally important part: while many of our current responses were developed outside our awareness—and often out of necessity—once we become aware of them, we have the opportunity to develop new capacities and choose different responses.
If drinking became one of the responses we learned to life's challenges, then healing is not simply about removing alcohol. It is about expanding our capacity to respond differently.
In other words, while our past explains our present, it doesn't have to dictate our future.
When Drinking Becomes Automatic
For most seasoned drinkers, drinking eventually becomes a default response for coping with pain, discomfort, and life's challenges. From stress to unwanted feelings, from boredom to intimidating tasks, it often becomes the go-to response before our thinking brain can fully engage.
What is an Automated Routine?
An Automated Routine is a learned habit loop made up of a cue, a routine, and a desired outcome. For example, getting off work (cue) leads to drinking (routine) to feel relaxed (desired outcome). Over time, as this habit loop is repeated, the drinking routine becomes increasingly automatic.
Breaking an established drinking routine isn't simply about removing the alcohol. It's about replacing the old routine with a new one that serves the same underlying function and helps meet the same need in a way that is more aligned with the life one wants to build.
When drinking becomes our automatic response, it often stops being a conscious choice every time we pick up a drink, becoming more of a default strategy for responding to life. I call this Automated Routines, one of the invisible forces that keeps people stuck in the same drinking pattern.
In other words, to truly break an old drinking pattern requires us to expand our capacity to respond to life's challenges emotionally, mentally, and behaviorally.
I call this process of developing new ways to respond Skill Expansion. It's one of the Four Pillars of outgrowing an outdated drinking pattern and rebuilding self-trust beyond alcohol.
The First Step Toward Change
Before we can expand our responses, we first have to become aware of the invisible forces shaping our current ones.
If our drinking is an automatic response rather than simply a bad choice, then trying to change it without understanding what's driving it is like treating the symptom while ignoring the cause.
Before we can develop new responses, we first need to see the invisible forces that have been shaping our current ones. Only then can we develop new responses to life's challenges instead of repeating our old drinking patterns. Awareness is the first step toward creating lasting change and reclaiming our agency.
If you'd like to explore the invisible forces beneath your drinking pattern, I share the five simple questions that I use to help my clients uncover the needs, beliefs, and hidden narratives that have kept their drinking patterns alive. You can learn more about them on my website.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is It My Fault I Became Addicted to Alcohol?
Before alcohol use becomes a problem—or an addiction—it was often first a solution. No one I know consciously chooses to become addicted to alcohol. Instead, addiction is often the result of many interacting factors that are outside a person's control, including life circumstances, environment, and even genetic predisposition.
The cultural narrative around addiction can leave people feeling as though there is something fundamentally wrong with them for developing an addiction. But self-blame does little to promote healing. In fact, it often keeps people trapped in the very cycle they're trying to break.
Am I Powerless Over My Relationship With Alcohol?
While many of the factors that shaped your relationship with alcohol were outside of your control—including your life experiences, environment, and even genetic predisposition—they don't define who you are or what is possible moving forward.
Reclaiming your agency and outgrowing an outdated drinking pattern begins by understanding what shaped your relationship with alcohol while focusing on what remains within your control.
How Do I Regain Control in Recovery?
A helpful way to think about recovery is through a simple formula:
Event + Response = Outcome
Many of the events that shaped your relationship with alcohol—your experiences, environment, and even your biology—were never fully within your control. But while you can't change what happened to you, you can gradually develop new ways of responding to life's challenges. Recovery begins by understanding what shaped your drinking while expanding your capacity to respond differently. That's how we reclaim agency and create new outcomes.
What Is an Automated Routine?
An Automated Routine is a learned habit loop made up of a cue, a routine, and a desired outcome. For example, getting off work (cue) leads to drinking (routine) to feel relaxed (desired outcome). Over time, as this habit loop is repeated, the drinking routine becomes increasingly automatic.
Breaking an established drinking routine isn't simply about removing the alcohol. It's about replacing the old routine with a new one that serves the same underlying function and helps meet the same need in a way that is more aligned with the life one wants to build.
How Can I Break an Automated Routine?
The key to breaking an Automated Routine isn't to simply to remove the routine, but to replace it. The first step is understanding the function the routine serves in your life. From there, you can intentionally explore and practice a new ways of responding that meet the same underlying need.
Breaking a well-established Automated Routine is a learning process. It often takes time to discover a new routine that works and enough practice for that new routine to become natural. Throughout the process, it's important to be patient with yourself and give yourself grace when you encounter challenges and setbacks.
Jeanette Hu
Jeanette Hu is a decade-long daily drinker turned psychotherapist, today a speaker, trainer, and alcohol-free coach who helps high-function drinkers break their old drinking patterns and rediscover joy beyond alcohol.
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