For years, I told my clients that it’s important to reduce the amount of stress in recovery. It was the same piece of advice that I was told in my own journey, and it made sense. After all, when stress creates a need for relief, it can easily pull us back toward drinking. Studies show clear links between stress and an increased risk of relapse. It makes sense that to prevent falling back into an unwanted stress-drinking cycle, one should do their best to reduce stress
Why do people drink to cope with stress?
People often drink to cope with stress because they are seeking relief from the uncomfortable symptoms of stress. Most of us were taught to see stress as something toxic and something that needs to be avoided.
But stress is part of life and often cannot be easily reduced, so many of us become drawn to things that can help relieve its symptoms. Alcohol happens to be one of the fastest ways to help us forget about our troubles, at least temporarily.
But somehow I always felt uneasy about the advice. Because, deep down, I knew that, as much as the advice sounded good in theory, it wasn’t always practical in practice.
Why Avoiding Stress Isn't the Answer to Stress Drinking
The truth is that stress is part of life. Most of the stress that we face in life is not an extracurricular activity that we take on by choice. Typical stressors are often things not within a person’s control, such as health problems, a sudden loss, or unexpected unemployment. Nor are they things a person can simply opt out of, like a stressful job, pressure at school, or the responsibility of being a parent.
So in a way, I've felt like I was giving people advice that wasn't really rooted in the reality of being human. And on some level, I knew there had to be another way to truly outgrow an unwanted stress-drinking cycle that doesn’t ask a person to create a stress-free environment.
How Your Stress Mindset Can Change the Way You Experience Stress
Finally, the answer came to me through a surprising study that transformed my understanding of stress. For years, I was told that stress not only can increase the risk of relapse, but also can be very harmful to our health.
To better understand the impact stress can have on people’s health, in 1998, a group of researchers asked nearly thirty thousand Americans how much stress they had experienced over the past year. Eight years later, they followed up to see whether there was any correlation between the amount of stress a person experienced and their mortality rate. The numbers were alarming: people who reported a high level of stress had a 43% higher risk of premature death.
It would be tempting to conclude from this that high levels of stress can literally kill us. Except there was one group that, despite reporting high levels of stress, had a lower mortality rate than even the people who reported very little stress. What made this group seemingly immune to the harmful effects of stress? Everyone couldn’t help but wonder.
The secret lay in the second question that the researchers asked: Did the participants believe that stress was harmful to their health? Some people said yes, while others said no. Eight years later, it turned out that only the people who believed that stress was harmful suffered a higher risk of death. In other words, what makes stress so harmful may not be the stress itself, but a person’s mindset around stress.
It got me thinking: what if the thing that pulls a person back into the Stress-Drinking Loop is not stress itself, but one’s mindset around stress?
What is a Stress-Drinking Loop?
A Stress-Drinking Loop is an unwanted drinking cycle where drinking starts as an attempt to seek relief from stress, then gradually becomes the default response to stressful situations.
While drinking can provide immediate relief from stress symptoms, over the long run, it often compounds the very stress a person is trying to cope with. This can create a vicious cycle: the more we drink to cope with stress, the more stress drinking creates, and the more we feel the need to drink to cope.
How Limiting Mindsets Can Keep Us Stuck in an Unwanted Drinking Cycle?
Mindset intervention has always been a core part of my work in helping a person outgrow an old drinking pattern. Through my years of personal journey and professional work, I’ve come to see the important role that a mindset can play in either reinforcing or interrupting an unwanted drinking pattern.
A mindset is an invisible filter that we see everything through. It shapes how we think, feel, and act. It determines how we interpret experiences and influences the decisions that we make. A limiting mindset about one’s ability to grow beyond their struggle with alcohol often hinders progress and keeps a person stuck in an old drinking pattern, whereas a supportive mindset tends to allow a person to remain resilient and resourceful when facing challenges.
In my work, Limiting Mindsets are seen as one of the four core invisible forces that keep a person stuck in what I call an Invisible Drinking Loop. For example, a limiting mindset that says, “If I slip, I have failed,” makes a person more likely to feel discouraged and give up after a setback, and the belief, “I have a diseased brain,” makes
a person more likely to interpret the inevitable challenges of breaking an old drinking pattern as proof of their inability to change and grow. Unfortunately, the mainstream narratives about addiction and recovery often unintentionally feed these unhelpful mindsets.
What is an Invisible Drinking Loop?
An Invisible Drinking Loop is a recurring drinking cycle in which drinking begins as an attempt to meet an underlying need or solve a problem in our lives.
The cycle is fueled by a belief that alcohol can help with the need in some way, maintained by a habit loop in which drinking is the default routine, and reinforced by narratives that often hinder change rather than support growth.
How to Break a Stress-Drinking Loop by Upgrading Your Stress Mindset
The stress study made me realize that the limiting mindsets that can fuel an unwanted drinking pattern aren’t restricted to one’s mindset around sobriety and recovery.
When it comes to our stress mindset, a mainstream culture that overemphasizes the harmful effects of stress often creates fear around stress and motivates avoidance. However, because many everyday stressors cannot be easily removed from our lives, we become compelled to find ways to remove them from our minds, including turning to alcohol to forget our troubles. This need to seek quick relief from stress becomes the fuel for the Stress-Drinking Loop, an unwanted drinking cycle where drinking starts as an attempt to seek relief from stress, then gradually becomes the default response to stressful situations.
Therefore, to truly put an end to the Stress-Drinking Loop, the key may not lie in trying to create a stress-free life, but in developing a more positive stress mindset. This begins with learning new ways to respond to stress.
If you’d like a place to start, you can start with my Beyond Fight-or-Flight Guide, where I share 3 simple strategies to tap into the power of your stress response.
Download the Beyond Fight-or-Flight Guide
Frequently Asked Questions
Does drinking help you cope with stress?
In the short run, alcohol seems to help us cope with stress by allowing us to forget about our troubles, but over the long run, forgetting our stress doesn’t equal resolving our stress.
The next morning, when the effect of alcohol wears off, the dirty dish is still in the sink, the bill is still unpaid, and the argument is still unresolved.
Moreover, over time, what we avoid facing tends to accumulate. That’s why when drinking becomes our default way to respond to stress, we often find ourselves caught in what I call the Stress-Drinking Loop.
Why do I crave alcohol when I am stressed?
During stressful times, what you really crave is not alcohol, but the relief that you’ve learned to associate with drinking.
Alcohol can work surprisingly well in providing us with immediate relief in the short run. As humans, we are motivated to do what worked in the past. So the next time we feel stressed, we are likely to drink again. Over time, with enough repetition, a habit loop starts to form: stress triggers the craving for relief, and the craving drives the urge to drink.
In the Invisible Drinking Loop, I call this an automated routine, one of the invisible forces that keeps pulling a person back into an unwanted drinking cycle.
Does drinking to cope worsen stress?
Unfortunately, yes.
While drinking to cope with stress seems to help us forget our troubles in the short run, over the long run, it often compounds our stress. I call this the Avoidance-Compound Trap, one of the hidden traps that often keeps a person stuck in an unwanted drinking cycle.
An Avoidance-Compound Trap worsens our stress in three ways:
- It worsens our initial stress
- It weakens our ability to cope with stress
- It creates its own set of stressors
How do I stop drinking when I feel stressed?
To stop drinking when you feel stressed, it helps to address the reasons alcohol has become your default response to stress—not simply remove the alcohol.
Attempting to break a Stress-Drinking Loop by simply removing alcohol often leaves us fighting urges, struggling with deprivation, and feeling unequipped to cope with stress.
To truly outgrow a Stress-Drinking Loop, we need to address the invisible forces that keep the unwanted drinking pattern alive. This can include:
- Reexamining the beliefs that fuel the desire to drink when facing stress
- Building new skills and tools to respond to stress without alcohol
- Upgrading our relationship with stress
Jeanette Hu
Jeanette Hu is a decade-long daily drinker turned psychotherapist with years of experience, today a speaker, trainer, and alcohol-free coach who helps high-functioning drinkers break their old drinking patterns and rediscover joy beyond alcohol.
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margin-left: 24px; color: #00c4cc; } #block-1784966063356 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1784966063356 .block { border: 2px double #ffb4d5; border-radius: 4px; background-color: #fff; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 20px; padding-right: 20px; padding-bottom: 20px; padding-left: 20px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1784966063356 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1784966063356 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 30px; padding-right: 30px; padding-bottom: 30px; padding-left: 30px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1784966063356 { text-align: left; } } #block-1784966063356 .accordion-title h5 { margin: 0; cursor: pointer; } #block-1784966063356 .accordion-body { padding-top: 24px; } #block-1784966063356 .accordion-title.collapsed:after { content: "\f105"; margin-left: 24px; } #block-1784966063356 .accordion-title:after { content: "\f107"; margin-left: 24px; color: #00c4cc; } #block-1754668655365 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1754668655365 .block { border: 2px double #ffeb76; border-radius: 10px; background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 15px; } @media (min-width: 768px) { #block-1754668655365 { margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; } #block-1754668655365 .block { padding: 0px; padding: 0px; padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 15px; padding-left: 15px; } } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1754668655365 { text-align: center; } } #block-1754668655365 .feature__image, [data-slick-id="1754668655365"] .feature__image { width: 100px; border-radius: 100px; } .authorfeature { display: flex; align-items: flex-start; position: relative; } .authorfeature__image-container { flex-shrink: 0; margin-right: 20px; } .authorfeature__image { max-width: 150px; height: auto; } .authorfeature__content { flex-grow: 1; } @media (max-width: 767px) { #block-1754668655365 .authorfeature { flex-direction: column; align-items: center; } #block-1754668655365 .authorfeature__image-container { margin-right: 0; } } .awesomecontainer { background: #ffffff; h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, p, ul, li, .block-type--table table {color: #000000;} padding-top: 15px; padding-right: 15px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 15px; } .awesomecontainer .row .block-type--accordion { align-self: flex-start; }
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